The Question

I sat in my bed in the corner, staring at the blue jots in my journal scream off of the page. The question trembled in my heart and my tired, stressed out brain:

"Where are You in this?"

Tomorrow was the day. The day we'd been praying and trying to believe wouldn't come. We still needed $60,000 for our outreaches to Kyrgyzstan and Southern Mexico. The students had written newsletters, washed cars, baked cakes and pies, woven bracelets, and a host of other activities in an attempt to raise the funds. I put hours into setting up the Outreach. In staff meetings we had prayed for a heck of a lot of money and every time we tried to make a Plan B, God challenged us to have faith. So we did. Or I thought I did. Now, it was two weeks before Outreach was scheduled to start and tomorrow was our deadline. We needed the money or we would have to start planning an alternate outreach. And tonight, I had to ask the age old question. "What happens when it feels like God didn't come through?"
As the words of the song I wasn't really listening to broke the silence, goosebumps popped up all over my arms.

"With eyes wide open to the differences
The God we want and the God who is
But will we trade our dreams for His
Or are we caught in the middle?"

Somewhere in the Middle, Casting Crowns

The God we want and the God who is. His question was clear. Am I committed to Him when He doesn't do what I think makes sense? Will I trade the image of what I thought God was calling us to for what He really is calling us to?

Will I give God a blank check with my signature on it?

With a very slow, tentative hand, I signed on the line. It was a risky move, I know.
Yet, I've discovered in the last week that His dreams are beautiful, and that they don't look at all how I had imagined. He's teaching me to trust who He is rather than try to figure Him out. I have a feeling it's going to be a bigger adventure than I can possibly dream- and probably a whole lot better, too.